So your family member or friend is in the ICU. Hearing that a loved one is in the ICU is incredibly difficult. When you receive that kind of news, you experience mixed emotions. “OMG, what happened?!?” “Are they going to be okay?!” “Are they able to talk?!” You have no idea what to expect, and that’s completely understandable. Here are my seven tips, in no particular order, for what you can expect and how to handle your first visit to someone in the ICU.
Prepare Emotionally and Practice Patience
The ICU is extremely overwhelming and an emotional place to be, especially for the first time. Here are a few things to expect. As soon as we bring a patient into the ICU, we usually ask any family or friends with the patient to wait in the waiting room while we get the patient back to the room to assess their situation. A lot of stuff is going on when we first bring a patient back to the room. There are multiple nurses in the room doing things such as getting the patient hooked up to our monitor, possibly taking pictures and cleaning up any wounds they may have come in with, getting them wiped down with antimicrobial wipes, ensuring they are on new fresh sheets, and that’s just if the patient is reasonably stable. It gets a lot more intricate when there’s more going on with the patient, and we need to stabilize them quickly before rushing them to a scan, emergent surgery, or any other potential interventions that may need to be performed.
When we say we’ll be out as soon as we’re ready, we really mean it. I know it’s tough and you want to know what’s going on, and want answers, but we are working hard to ensure that your loved one is being treated with the best care possible, in addition to making sure they look good and presentable before you come back into the room to see them. Before bringing you into the room, we’ll try to prepare you for what to expect. Still, it can be shocking to see your loved one with tubes, wires, or in an unfamiliar state.
Understanding Common ICU Equipment: Ventilators and Intubations
It can be a little shocking if you’ve never seen a patient intubated. Intubation is when a provider inserts a tube down a person’s throat and hooks them up to a ventilator that assists in their breathing. We always aim to get patients off the ventilator as quickly as possible. We aim to reduce ventilator support gradually, as long as the patient tolerates it. We will adjust if we ever feel that a patient is not tolerating something.
The patient will cough with the tube in their mouth; this is entirely normal. We can help the patient clear mucus by suctioning them through the tube and removing any extra secretions from their mouth. Suppose they are constantly coughing and gagging on the tube and appear uncomfortable, we will assess the further need for pain medication or sedation to make them more comfortable.
Often, we use wrist restraints to prevent patients from removing the tube on their own before we are ready to do so. This is just for safety precautions for the patient, but once again, it can be kind of alarming to see your loved one with restraints on their wrists.
Don’t Fixate on the Monitors
In the ICU, patients are connected to monitors that are always hung in the room. These can be very intimidating, annoying, and alarming. At a minimum, we constantly monitor patients’ heart rates, blood pressures, oxygen levels, and respiratory rates. Since every situation is different and every person is unique, we will adjust the alarms on the monitors according to what we, as nurses, need to be notified about. We need to know when the heart rate, blood pressure, or oxygen levels are too high or too low so that we can treat them appropriately. We have heard that the “normal” blood pressure is 120/80; there are specific instances where we want the blood pressure to be higher.
The nurses know what we’re looking for and when to intervene. Often, even if we’re not in the room, we still monitor the vitals on the screen from elsewhere or receive alerts about any issues with the vitals. As a loved one, it’s natural to want to check on their vitals. On the contrary, watching the monitor like a hawk can sometimes stress you out more than anything. Leave the monitoring of vitals to us; your essential role is being there for your loved one and supporting them during this hard time.
Respect the Use of Call Lights and Communication Protocols
If you need something from the nurse, press the call light, and someone will assist you as quickly as possible. A lot is going on in the ICU. I promise we will be there as soon as we can. We kindly ask that you use the call light rather than walk through the hallway unless it’s an emergency. This helps us respect the privacy of all patients. The nurse may be tied up; another nurse or assistant can assist. But for the privacy and comfort of our other patients, we can’t have family members wandering around the hallways. Also, please understand that we are going through shift changes around 7 am and 7 pm, and the nurses are doing handoff reports on the patients. This time frame gets hectic, but we will pop in shortly.
Ask about Overnight Policies
Not all ICUs allow overnight visitors. Some places do not have the space to accommodate overnight visitors, and some hospital policies allow overnight visits only in exceptional circumstances. Check with your nurse about the hospital’s policy on overnight guests. For those who are allowed to spend the night, it’s essential to note that sleeping in the hospital can be challenging. Nurses are constantly in and out of the room for various reasons. We try to be as quiet as possible, but sometimes it’s unavoidable. Just know that it’s normal for us to be in the room frequently, even throughout the night.
If something is extremely wrong and you’re still sleeping, we’ll wake you to let you know what’s happening. Also, remember to take care of yourself during this process. It’s understandable and okay to get out of the hospital for a little while, get some fresh air, take a hot shower, and get a good night’s rest, then return in the morning. Once again, if anything were to happen when you’re not there, we’ll call you immediately.
Why We Stay Calm In Emergencies
Lastly, as nurses and all healthcare providers, we always try to remain calm during stressful situations. We know how anxious, nerve-wrecking, and frightening it must be to the loved one watching us working and having to witness your loved one in the hospital bed hooked up to all the machines and wires. To ease that stress a little more, remaining calm and level-headed is our way of making the situation lighter. I know that to some people, this calm demeanor may come off as us not caring or putting effort or emotion into something, but it’s to help ensure that we don’t add more stress and chaos to what could already be a hectic situation. It never ends well if too many people get anxious and do not think straight simultaneously. We want things to run smoothly for everyone’s sake.
Don’t Be Afraid to Ask Questions
Although our main priority is to help our patients, we must support their family and friends as they navigate this tough time. This includes answering all their questions, explaining things to them, and simply listening. While we see this on a day-to-day basis and this is “normal” to us, healthcare providers who work in this setting, it would be terrifying and emotional for someone who has never stepped foot in a hospital, let alone an ICU, before. If you ever have questions about a device and how it works, find a time when your nurse isn’t too busy with patient care and ask them to explain it. We love to educate others and share our knowledge!
Your presence, patience, and calm support can make a real difference for your loved one. Don’t hesitate to ask respectful questions—we’re here to help you, too. Having a better idea of what to expect when visiting an ICU can help ease some of the anxiety that comes with this stressful time.
Have you visited a loved one in the ICU before? What do you wish you had known ahead of time? Share your experience in the comments—we’d love to hear from you.